Where are you from?
When my car was in the shop, I had to commute around town via Lyft or public transport. When I see elderly black men at the bus stop, I would smile to them, and they would say, “ how are you, my dear” “God bless you” or “you have a good one” when I jump off the bus. In the bus, people would greet one another, because they are acquaintances who know each other. These interactions gave me quite an energy booster as I start my otherwise mundane routines. I started to notice that there are more African Lyft drivers from the west and south side of town, so I started to ask, “ are you Ghanaian?” trying to avoid the weird “ Where are you from” question.
Hailing from another country, I increasingly gotten tired of the question “Where are you from”. Not because I don’t have the answer, but because of the implications and intention of them wanting to know. My answers may confirm their guesses or prove them wrong, reveal an inherent biases or pre-judgement they may have about me. But most irritating of them all, that question implies that I am not from here, that fellow Americans own the right to know where ambiguous looking people with funny accents are from.
But the coins switched as I asked my Lyft driver “are you Ghanaian?” Even though I was genuinely curious and I know a little about West African cultures from playing music and having a few West African friends. Immediately I felt guilty asking. The driver said, “ no I am Nigerian.” and I quickly switched gears to talk about Nigerian cultures. He said he is Yoruba and I started to sing the only Yoruba song I learned “You are worth more than gold”, a praise song for mothers. When I asked about the Orishas, deities from the Yoruba religion, he said, “ I am a Christian.” and switched topics (we do not need to discuss colonial histories here). The conversation ended up being a good one and he started to talk about his daughter with admiration, just like how a neighbor would chit chat about their family with me.
This reminds me of the first episode of “Rhythm + Flow”, a hip-hop reality show on Netflix. Famous hip-hop artist Snoop Dog asked a contestant, “Where are you from”, he replied, “ I am from Inglewood”. He asked again, “ where?” “Inglewood”, and again, “ Inglewood”. Then Snoop Dog said, “ I am glad you stand your ground and did not let anybody put you down.” That contestant ended up winning the competition.
Having lived in Southern California where I am the diverse one in town, I am at awe with the diversity of my current city, and I am curious about the stories of the individuals I meet, but there is a skill and suave that comes with time to start that conversation. I might not be smooth all the time, but my heart is in the right place, and I wish the next stranger I encounter will not take me the wrong way when I ask “ Where are you from?”.
