Unsubscribe from current affairs

I had a fight with my husband yesterday about him not being responsive enough in giving me a helping hand when I asked him too. One thing led to another, it was another spillover-effect of other things I have been tolerate over the weeks.

I want to work on not reacting to things that upset me in real time. As demonstrated, I explode after piling things inside. One of the abilities that women were trained and complimented on is how much they could bear, forgive and forget of others' shortcomings or the things that frustrate them. I still see my mother doing that, and unbeknownst to me, I have inherited this trait.

Newly returned into the workforce, I have been trying really hard to have a work-art-life balance. I have signed up for pottery class on top of my own studio practice; I have signed up to go to Cambridge, Boston for drumming and dancing class which requires a two hour commute time from my workplace; I have vowed to keep up with my art career by applying to fellowship, grant and exhibitions; I am still trying to meet new artistic people in the community. Being in the workforce feels like being a new-mom, where you are entitled to say no to things you used to say yes before, because you are now physically, mentally tied to a new 'commitment', yet we still have 24 hours a day.

I am still committed to maintaining a loving relationship with my husband, so I accommodate his love for keeping up with the current affairs (Which I hate) by watching comedians dissecting news while having dinner with him. I love home-cook meals, so I plan for my meals, shopping in the weekends and always looking for fresh materials from nearby markets. I disregarded the higher-cost hand-delivered cooked meals, or 'ugly' vegetables, because I value my own effort in sourcing and learning new recipes to keep a balance and healthy diet. I was raised to put food above everything else and carve meal times aside as sacred family time.

However, my breakdown happened. I cannot keep up with my readings (art news and newspaper subscriptions), it was pilling at my home; I missed my train many weeks in a row due to sheer exhaustion or lack of logistical planning. I was not making good pots in the pottery studio, and I have yet to produce new paintings. I was 'slapped' in the face by a stranger regarding my art, I did not meet new friends, I don't see my current friends and I have been piling up my frustration. I was spending my time doing things I do not enjoy outside of work and two months just flew right by.

Good food no longer comforts me. I do not want to say no but I have been forced to say no. So I finally confronted my emotions after the 'explosion'. I need assistance and support to accomplish a work-art-life balance. I have to clearly communicate my goals even at my workplace. I have to plan ahead of time and explain why I have to leave work early, or flex my working hours. I need to be in control of my own time be it at work or at home.

So I have set up a series of actions pertaining saying NO to saying NO, so I can undo all these frustrations. Wish me luck.