Reconnecting by Disconnecting from Social Media

I walked into the pottery studio in which I used to congregate with a group of folks from all walks of life: retirees, medical professionals, mothers, artists, but this time empty. Only John the owner of the studio and instructor was there with face mask on to greet me. “After every procedure, wipe the surfaces” he said, and showed me all the new signage and ‘6 ft’ distances marked in the now sterile place.

I signed up for a ‘one person at a time’ glazing session, just to finish up some pots that I did not get to three months ago. Little did I know that these sessions are really ‘reconnecting’ sessions. One simple “How are you?” turned into a deep dive of conversations about life, art and philosophy. I walked out thinking I just had a therapy session with John and felt a huge burden lifted off my chest. “Is that why we need human connections?” I thought.

Social distancing should be renamed physical distancing. Due to the Covid-19 scare, we distance ourselves from crowd, classes and hangouts, but in doing so, we also stopped socializing from one another. There wasn’t a venue for it! We didn’t figure out how to do it with the venues being decommissioned.

What is thought to be the alternative venue and outlet, social media, turned out to be disastrous for me. In the wake of Covid-19 stay at home order, artists like myself were uniformly doing contemplative art, lots of cooking, inward looking and sharing free resources online to help everyone through our imposed isolation. But quickly, a combination of bad federal leadership and black deaths shifted our attention to the still ongoing Black Lives Matter movement and protests around the country.

My online sanctuary is disrupted by the distinct hyper vocals and the ones staying in silence, going about their lives posting beautiful photos. I was displaced, hurt, and more over overwhelmed by emotions or lack there of projected by others. It didn’t feel right to post my usual branding and marketing hashtags of my creative life; nor does it feel right to emote to a majority group of strangers. I was happy that I did what I did, a few zoom collaborative sessions with my musician friend over a few weeks, made and sold some paintings, but I am now hesitant to push forward when I too, as a person of color, is hurting by the cruel reality of systemic racism amplified and zeroed in at our workplace, mainstream cultures and online sphere without much resolution in place.

I voiced out in multiple occasions at work to my white colleagues what is inappropriate and tone deaf about their silence or written statements; I received a few nods from my coworkers of color that I am indeed somebody who ‘gets it’. I found a new community that I didn’t know could exist at work, which is the kinship and support between people of color, and it took a disruption of a pandemic and public outcry around us to finally take shape.

I am hurt by the ‘divide and conquer’ techniques subconsciously employed by so many that made it so difficult to find and support our peers of color, sisters and brothers who are in the same struggle as me. In many organizations, these techniques are so efficiently disguised [to name a few] into: reporting structure (you report only to the same few people who will in turn sweep things under the rug), exceptionalism ( you made it and you are accepted, but there are limited resources so shut up), trust (only you can know this info, so don’t share it with others), it’s not in the job description (to talk about social injustices or the bigger culture at large shaped by white american way of life), we have diversity (we employ people of color but don’t groom nor promote them) etc…

So what’s next? Why we (people of color) must start coming together:

• We must inspect information fed to us with peers we trust, peers who share the same interest to lift each other up, not push each other down.
• We must examine the structure that was set up to rule or govern, and see whether there’s underlying biases and subconscious divide and conquering to prevent people of color to stand together, share resources and achieve.
• We must not care for white people’s level of comfort when we are organizing for our own mental health and sanity. We matter.
• We must always expect that respect should be earned based one’s character and actions and not assumed just because of one’s position in power. Recognize good and bad leadership, they can both exist in one person.
• We want to see each other thrive no matter what their circumstances and past traumas are, together we can be each other rock and provide a space and place of solace as we work out our kinks (some we didn’t create) in life.

Hence, this is why the social network no longer serves my need in this current climate. As I slowly retreat out of the ‘spotlight’, know that simultaneously I feel so much connected with the people I care about and I truly, am rallying all of my abilities, power and energy to will the better world I wish to live in.